Reflections on Gone

A Practice to Turn Hurt Around

Today I ran into one of those experiences that shook me up, dredged up the anger, spoiled the moment, and how I wished I could have been like the Crane above, at peace and stillness while all raged around me. But the sad part for me was that bits and pieces seem to run over and over again in my mind, obsessing really, but each time with the memory came the feelings of hurt, resentment, or sadness all over again. That’s not how I want to live.

Then I came across a sample of the new book by Tim Ferriss, ‘Tools of Titans’, where he interviews highly successful leaders in various fields, and explains their personal rules of life. The section I found was an interview with Chade-Meng Tan, a highly acclaimed author and creator of Google’s Search Inside Yourself, a self help program for employees. Meng himself practices ‘Just Note Gone’, paying attention to the END of every sensory experience. Realize that Each breath begins and ends, each interaction starts and ceases, each thought enters and leaves. The Practice of Gone, recognizing that everything has an end point, every sound, word, or deed returns to its source, has been practiced in many cultures over the ages. Instead of looking to what’s next, honor and feel the end of what was.

Feeling the moment when it disappears, and acknowledging this, is the key. It’s a lightness of being, a weight lifted from you, that changes everything. Each experience has its time and then it dissipates, if not disappears completely. This transition between it being here, and then it being gone, creates a shift that can be accessed with practice. We can train the mind to release the Gone. This practice pulls you out of the past and fully into the Present, where everything is shifting constantly. The Dance of Life goes on with you or without you. I found I needed to remind myself throughout the day, that the dark moments were really Gone. Something would trigger the memory and I could spiral down back into it. But I did catch myself, and found this led to feeling the release. Label it GONE!

The follow up action that Meng then practices is to pause, and in your mind, wish for someone you know to be happy, and then another to be happy. Taking time throughout the day to wish happiness for 2 or 3 people, changes you. Do it for people you see, and for those you remember.

I continued my day releasing what was past, and sending wishes for happiness to each person involved. It really does turn everything around. My lightness of being returned and I could see like the Crane, with an inner peace to all the energy rushing around me. I never would have thought of this approach, but I’m so glad I found it!

More about the ‘Power of Gone‘, and Tim Ferriss interviews.